Secret Douchebaggery

1: Last month, I had stiff paper clothes tags explaining the sustainable nature of my shirt sitting on my dresser for three weeks before I threw them out. I took the tags off it’s partner shirt yesterday, and not thirty miutes ago, reached for them, thinking, “I was such a douchebag last month, but I’ve grown now, I’ve changed, and I’ll just go ahead and toss them in the trash,” whilst inconspicuously drawing my hand away from them. My subconscious is a jerk, but my intentions are honest.

2: While brushing my teeth with flouride free, tea tree oil toothpaste, I looked myself in the eyes and ad libbed my reasoning to my Pennsylvanian dental hygenist.

3: It wasn’t necessary to point out that she’s Pennsylvanian, I just like to see the word in print. So, that.

4: I was hardcore judgemental towards some poor kid at the bar. Not verbally, but mentally I tore him up. He was a young yuppie who drank Jamison on the rock and kept staring at me and my “eclectic style choices.” My inner elementary student had a field day, so to speak.